The Golden Cheetah Fiasco

Genre: Crime Caper

Subject: A Talk Show

Character: Adrenaline Junkie

The Golden Cheetah Fiasco

“Our story is actually a love story,” Ace says to her beautiful, idiot partner as they get on the public bus, “not a stupid crime caper.”

Otto dazzled her with a 1,000-gigawatt smile. “Yeah, baby, but doing it live makes it hit harder. And I know how hard you like it!”

She couldn't help but laugh at him, he's so funny and reckless and she was absolutely in love with him.

They arrived at TBC Studio, where the live show ‘Tony and Jony' was being shot and their prize awaited. They mingled while the other tourists gawked at headshots, Ace’s brain snapped mental photos of every security camera and exit.

The Golden Cheetah, a solid gold monstrosity with black diamond gems set in its fur pattern. Was being featured today on the show, on loan from the Modern Art Museum. It was supposed to be worth millions. Ace noted the weight sensors on the pedestal, calculating that the thirty-three pound statue was the only thing keeping the building out of lockdown, just as Otto had told her.

Otto, vibrating with adrenaline, disappeared through a Staff Only door. He planned to drop from the rafters during Jony’s live broadcast. He argued it was the only way to ensure they went viral before the cops could even arrive.

The studio was screaming anticipation. Hosts Tony and Jony bickered politely over lighting and make-up while Ace waited. 20 minutes were spent by the audience filling the seats. She slid over towards the control center which was relatively empty with only one employee inside.

The plan was simple and started during the high energy "Hot Chili Challenge," Otto would descend on the harness and would swap the expensive gold statue for a simple sandbag and they would meet back at the service door imagining the shock of the hosts and the audience when the statue is revealed stolen.

As Otto made his silent descent, Jony and Tony chatted loudly to the camera about the special “Devil's Toe Jam” chili that won 1st place at the city cook off. Each host prepared their own chili for the studio audience taste test. The whole studio was focused on them.

Otto had the sandbag in his right hand and tried to pick up the statue with his left. But the sandbag slipped so that as soon as he picked it up the pressure sensor tripped!

Whoop! Whoop! A siren like a screaming child erupted through the studio. Red strobe lights flashed, illuminating Otto mid-air like a confused spider. He dropped the sandbag and waved weakly at the viewers as Tony shrieked in terror.

Then the heavy steel lockdown gates slammed shut, trapping Ace inside the studio.

Chaos reigned as Jony, thinking it was an improv bit, grabbed Otto’s dangling foot. “Oh are you a cat burglar?” He asked easily.

Ace pushed her way into the control room and tried to winch Otto back up from the panel controls but in her panic, she hit the fast-forward button instead of reverse.

Otto plummeted, crashing into Jony and sending the Golden Cheetah rolling across the floor like a bowling ball.

Tony jumped up, knocked over his chili pot, pouring the hot bean soup everywhere. Ace tried to intercept the statue but slid in the liquid accidentally kicking the Cheetah across the room. It launched like a torpedo and landed with a sickening squelch into a giant bowl of the featured "Award-Winning Chili."

Otto scrambled up, unlocking his harness and dove headfirst into the beans to retrieve the prize! He emerged triumphant, holding a dripping, gold big cat statue!

Just then 3 security guards began to close in. Ace ran towards Otto. The escape was pure theater. They scrambled over the weather desk, where Otto accidentally triggered a prop umbrella that propelled him backward into a costume rack. He emerged wearing a sequined cape and a giant foam sun hat, still clutching the chili-coated cat.

With no other choice, Ace shoved him toward the exit and fired the massive confetti cannon towards the 3 incoming officers. A glitter storm filled the room, providing just enough cover for them to tumble through a green screen curtain and down an exit loading ramp.

They burst onto the sidewalk and ran away. Otto stopped to use his massive triceps to rip two rental bikes from their docks.

“That was wild, babe! You are my chaos queen!” Otto asked Ace as he pedelled beside her. “Are you ready for this part?”

She met his eyes with a big smile.

They skidded into a pristine driveway, leaving blobs of chili flavored glitter on the cobblestones. Ace’s father, Dr. Ethan Thorne stared in horror at the sight of his daughter and her hooligan boyfriend. “What is going on, Acacia? Why are you dressed like that?” his eyes on Otto’s bean covered clothes.

However, Ace’s mother, Beatrice, was delighted. She focused on the sparkling diamond eyes of the Cheetah. “Is that for me?”

"Freshly plucked, Mrs. T!" Otto rocked the statue like a baby then handed it to Beatrice. "Had to fight through a chili storm to get it for you."

Ace braced for a lecture on life choices. Instead, her mother let out a delighted gasp.

"It’s exquisite! I’ve always said this house lacked a certain je ne sais quoi." She beamed at Otto. "And Otto! You look like a hero out of a romance novel. A very... eccentric hero. Come, let's make mimosas. We’ll have it sparkling before the evening news.”

Otto leaned in to kiss Ace, “See? I promised your family would love it. And what are they really going to do? Fine us?” His laugh was musical.

Ace took his hand, finally relaxing as the adrenaline began to fade. “I guess we're going to be famous tomorrow, like Bonnie and Clyde! Dad is so mad.” She smiled and thought to herself, it really was a love story, even if it smelled like cumin. She was already looking forward to their next adventure.